It can be tough to find the right words to convey enough appreciation through a simple, heartfelt "thank you" to our veterans. These incredible individuals have seen and done things that we, as civilians, cannot imagine. But, as many will tell you, that is exactly the point: they did their work so the rest of us could live the lives of free people. With that being said, there is more than one way to say thank you because every single person who served is different than their next comrade in arms. One size doesn’t fit all because there is not just one size!

I am married to a veteran of the United States Navy. He is largely unflappable, but one day, as we were walking out of a store, he mentioned that it felt awkward and weird when people thanked him after finding out that he was a vet. I pressed him on the subject, asking him to explain why. He went on to state that it just felt to him like people were seeing but not really seeing him – it struck him to be just a knee-jerk reaction instead of a genuine expression of appreciation. He also explained that for him to hear "thank you" immediately reminded him of the men and women who had been through worse. For him, it didn't feel right to be placed in the same “bucket” as those men and women.

Naturally, I asked him what he would rather hear instead. He told me he would much rather be asked a question about his service – where he had been, what branch he had served in, how long he had served, etc. For him, he found that true interest in himself and his time was a more meaningful way for people to show they care. 

After the conversation with my husband, I went on to ask a few other veterans about their thoughts on this topic. I found that, just like I stated at the beginning, veterans each have things they like and things they like less. A friend of mine who is also a veteran explained her thoughts on the topic. 

“Thank you for your service is perfect for Veterans Day. Beyond that, it is weird. It would almost be like people saying ‘Merry Christmas’ to you every day of the year. Though Christians love the light and love of the meaning of Christmas, there is a time/season for it. I think veterans feel the same way – honor and thank us on Veterans Day – beyond that, it just feels odd to a group of men and women who joined an organization that promotes selfless service. I also like when people ask me a question instead of the typical 'thank you' because it is easier to explain and answer their question than having to say a ‘you’re welcome’. Personally, I have never felt that to be a good answer.”

When I asked another veteran, who served 26 years in the Navy about his thoughts on all of this, he shared:

“Today [Veterans Day] is the perfect day to say thank you for your service. I don’t mind people saying thank you to me when I am out. All that has been done will be appreciated. Some will have mixed feelings due to maybe something that happened to them, but deep down, they all appreciate the thank you. It will be thoughtful and a nice gesture.”

With all that being said, there is more than one way to show the magnitude of appreciation that we have for our military. Next time you want to show a veteran appreciation for their service, ask them about their time in the military. Ask why they decided to join and what they got out of it. See what happens in that conversation. Remember - one size doesn’t fit all or even most.

To all of the military veterans out there, we appreciate you. On this day, we want to extend an extra fist bump, high five, or hug. On this Veterans Day, THANK YOU so much for your service, sacrifices, and selflessness.